This kid is just too cute. I swear, every day he is more adorable than the last. I put him in these overall shorts and it just killed me!
I just love him SOOO much! Sometimes I wonder how my heart isn't bursting out of my chest!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Some People...
I have let myself get hurt by a complete stranger having a conversation that I was not a part of. I wish people would think about how what comes out of their mouths may impact a person standing 4 feet away from them that is forced to listen to it. At my gym there is an area with mirrors and counters for drying your hair and doing your make up. At any given time there are 2 to 12 people in there getting ready. It is small and you can easily hear everything everyone is saying. Two women getting ready together were having a conversation about a "friend" in med school with a baby. I add the quotes because I would hope that none of my friend would say this about me- one of the girls said, about her friend's decision to continue with med school and become a doctor, "Why even have a kid if you don't want to spend time with it." Neither woman in this conversation has children. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The comment caught me off guard and it did not hit me until I was in the car how hurtful it really was to me and all working moms. I love my son more than anything. My "choice" to go back to work was not even in the slightest bit related to my desire or a lack of desire to spend time with him. To even think that was a factor is a joke. I want to spend time with my son. I do spend time with my son and I treasure every second. However, I spent seven years in school to become an attorney. I have student debt in an amount that rivals most mortgages. Unfortunately, I don't get to write a letter to Direct Loans and Sallie Mae that says, "Great News! I had a baby. Therefore, I will no longer be making payments, and I will look forward to a notice of forgiveness of my debts." I still have to pay them off. Also, I want to keep a roof over Loop's head, have good, healthy food for him to eat, and hopefully be able to give him the opportunities that I had in life and maybe even be able to help him get a graduate degree someday (if he wants one) so that he won't have the kind of student loans that his parents have. I can't do that if I am not working. These two women are working out at a nice gym with high fees. One of these women (I know this from attending a free training session with her last year) was able to quit her job and spend an entire year "figuring things out" while also going to this expensive gym PLUS going to a personal trainer at least twice a week. From my perspective, her economic reality is different from most people I know. So, maybe to her, staying home would be a given. Unfortunately, for me it is not. Also, I am okay with working. I will get to that later.
Later in this lovely conversation, one of the women said, "Well, maybe I will feel different when I have kids and I won't be able to stand being at home." Nope. That's not it either. I am not working because I can't stand being at home. To assume that women are working because being home is awful for them is another terrible, incorrect assumption. Right now I am part-time and I cherish my mornings with Loop. I enjoy our time together and it is wonderful. However, I do also enjoy my time at work. Going back to work helped me to realize that I am, right now, a better mother as a working mother. I go to my office, accomplish work stuff, feel good about it, and get to end my day with picking up my happy, smiling baby. I do no resent my son in any way, shape or form. I am more appreciative of my time with Loop because of my job, and I think that I am doing a better job of making our time "quality" time and really making the most of it. I don't know that I was fully doing that when I was home full-time. I realize that this is going to get tougher once I am back to work full-time, but I still am fully confident that I will have good, quality time with my son and I will still be a good mom even though I will spend much of the day at my desk while he is at "school." He is literally two minutes away from me in a safe, clean place with skilled caregivers and other happy babies. He is getting socialized with other people and children, is getting age appropriate education, and I know that he is okay. My mom worked almost all of my childhood and I do not think that my brother and I were damaged. I know how much she loves us and I have never doubted that. My mom was always there for me, even if sometimes work interfered with scheduling. She was there emotionally all the time which, to me, is as important, if not more important than being there physically. I never felt like I came second to her job. I hope that I can balance it all just as she did, but I know from personal experience that a mom can work and love her kids.
What really is bothering me about this whole thing is that there is not one perfect solution that works for every family. Each person is different, just like every situation is different. I know people that stay home, are great moms with great kids, and they have a wonderful life. I also know people that work, are great moms with great kids, and they too have a wonderful life. There are a million different factors, scenarios and solutions. As my dad always says, different strokes for different folks. Even if these women had kids, I don't think it is ever fair to judge someone else's family choices because you can never know all of the pieces of their particular puzzle.
In conclusion, for you non-moms out there, please don't ever be confused and think that a working mom is someone that doesn't want to be around her kids. And, even if you do think that, try to keep your opinions to yourself, especially in public. You never know if there is a new working mom nearby whose day may be ruined by your judgmental comment.
The comment caught me off guard and it did not hit me until I was in the car how hurtful it really was to me and all working moms. I love my son more than anything. My "choice" to go back to work was not even in the slightest bit related to my desire or a lack of desire to spend time with him. To even think that was a factor is a joke. I want to spend time with my son. I do spend time with my son and I treasure every second. However, I spent seven years in school to become an attorney. I have student debt in an amount that rivals most mortgages. Unfortunately, I don't get to write a letter to Direct Loans and Sallie Mae that says, "Great News! I had a baby. Therefore, I will no longer be making payments, and I will look forward to a notice of forgiveness of my debts." I still have to pay them off. Also, I want to keep a roof over Loop's head, have good, healthy food for him to eat, and hopefully be able to give him the opportunities that I had in life and maybe even be able to help him get a graduate degree someday (if he wants one) so that he won't have the kind of student loans that his parents have. I can't do that if I am not working. These two women are working out at a nice gym with high fees. One of these women (I know this from attending a free training session with her last year) was able to quit her job and spend an entire year "figuring things out" while also going to this expensive gym PLUS going to a personal trainer at least twice a week. From my perspective, her economic reality is different from most people I know. So, maybe to her, staying home would be a given. Unfortunately, for me it is not. Also, I am okay with working. I will get to that later.
Later in this lovely conversation, one of the women said, "Well, maybe I will feel different when I have kids and I won't be able to stand being at home." Nope. That's not it either. I am not working because I can't stand being at home. To assume that women are working because being home is awful for them is another terrible, incorrect assumption. Right now I am part-time and I cherish my mornings with Loop. I enjoy our time together and it is wonderful. However, I do also enjoy my time at work. Going back to work helped me to realize that I am, right now, a better mother as a working mother. I go to my office, accomplish work stuff, feel good about it, and get to end my day with picking up my happy, smiling baby. I do no resent my son in any way, shape or form. I am more appreciative of my time with Loop because of my job, and I think that I am doing a better job of making our time "quality" time and really making the most of it. I don't know that I was fully doing that when I was home full-time. I realize that this is going to get tougher once I am back to work full-time, but I still am fully confident that I will have good, quality time with my son and I will still be a good mom even though I will spend much of the day at my desk while he is at "school." He is literally two minutes away from me in a safe, clean place with skilled caregivers and other happy babies. He is getting socialized with other people and children, is getting age appropriate education, and I know that he is okay. My mom worked almost all of my childhood and I do not think that my brother and I were damaged. I know how much she loves us and I have never doubted that. My mom was always there for me, even if sometimes work interfered with scheduling. She was there emotionally all the time which, to me, is as important, if not more important than being there physically. I never felt like I came second to her job. I hope that I can balance it all just as she did, but I know from personal experience that a mom can work and love her kids.
What really is bothering me about this whole thing is that there is not one perfect solution that works for every family. Each person is different, just like every situation is different. I know people that stay home, are great moms with great kids, and they have a wonderful life. I also know people that work, are great moms with great kids, and they too have a wonderful life. There are a million different factors, scenarios and solutions. As my dad always says, different strokes for different folks. Even if these women had kids, I don't think it is ever fair to judge someone else's family choices because you can never know all of the pieces of their particular puzzle.
In conclusion, for you non-moms out there, please don't ever be confused and think that a working mom is someone that doesn't want to be around her kids. And, even if you do think that, try to keep your opinions to yourself, especially in public. You never know if there is a new working mom nearby whose day may be ruined by your judgmental comment.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Top Ten List
Here is my "Top Ten List" of being a mom. This is based on how I feel today. I may have a new list on any given day in the future.
10) Being able to use my kid as an excuse. If I am being held up by non-pressing matters at work at the end of the day, I can say, "I am sorry, but I need to go pick up my son before they start charging me $1 per minute." Works every time. No one wants to have to reimburse me for that.
9) Knowing things. I am someone that rarely has a straight answer to a question. I am always weighing pros and cons and thinking of possible alternate scenarios. This is still true for many issues relating to my son, but I also have real, solid answers to questions about my son. I know what he needs, what can help him, and how to do it. That is a pretty cool feeling.
8) Baby snuggles. Enough said.
7) Photography. Loop has renewed my love of photographs and has encouraged me to try to re-learn all of the tricks and things that I knew years ago. I am loving taking pictures, playing with my lenses and settings, and printing pictures.
6) Baby toes and baby fingers. When he is eating, Loop likes to pet you with his feet. It is such a sweet thing and I love it. I could play with his toes and fingers all day.
5) Bath time. Loop LOVES the bath and he is so sweet and calm during bath time. It is such a sweet, quiet time for the three of us as a family.
4) No bad days. Nothing can be that bad. I can have a crummy time at the office, or a grumpy client yell at me, but at the end of it, I get to go get my son and have him smile at me. That fixes everything. I can have a fight with my husband or make some really dumb mistake that screws something up, and then I get to take a walk and show my son the beautiful sky. No day can be bad with my little guy in it.
3) Seeing how much joy Loop brings to complete strangers. Someone that does not know us can look at my son and just smile ear to ear. I never have that effect on people! He brings joy to others by just the slightest smile. I hope that he leaves a lasting glad impression on those people.
2) The love. There is so much pure love in every day in our home now. We are calmer and happier. So much love.
And the Number One Best Thing About Being a Mom is.... drum roll please...
Making my kid laugh. Seriously. The. Best. Thing. EVER. Whether I am actively trying to encourage giggling, or if he is just looking at me and laughing for no reason that I can discern, it is the greatest joy that I have ever had. Sometimes I am changing Loop's diaper and he just looks at me and cracks up. Last night, Jay and I were putting him to bed and doing our ritual reading of "Pajama Time" and he was just squealing at us. It was adorable, hilarious, and so heartwarming!
<3
10) Being able to use my kid as an excuse. If I am being held up by non-pressing matters at work at the end of the day, I can say, "I am sorry, but I need to go pick up my son before they start charging me $1 per minute." Works every time. No one wants to have to reimburse me for that.
9) Knowing things. I am someone that rarely has a straight answer to a question. I am always weighing pros and cons and thinking of possible alternate scenarios. This is still true for many issues relating to my son, but I also have real, solid answers to questions about my son. I know what he needs, what can help him, and how to do it. That is a pretty cool feeling.
8) Baby snuggles. Enough said.
7) Photography. Loop has renewed my love of photographs and has encouraged me to try to re-learn all of the tricks and things that I knew years ago. I am loving taking pictures, playing with my lenses and settings, and printing pictures.
6) Baby toes and baby fingers. When he is eating, Loop likes to pet you with his feet. It is such a sweet thing and I love it. I could play with his toes and fingers all day.
5) Bath time. Loop LOVES the bath and he is so sweet and calm during bath time. It is such a sweet, quiet time for the three of us as a family.
4) No bad days. Nothing can be that bad. I can have a crummy time at the office, or a grumpy client yell at me, but at the end of it, I get to go get my son and have him smile at me. That fixes everything. I can have a fight with my husband or make some really dumb mistake that screws something up, and then I get to take a walk and show my son the beautiful sky. No day can be bad with my little guy in it.
3) Seeing how much joy Loop brings to complete strangers. Someone that does not know us can look at my son and just smile ear to ear. I never have that effect on people! He brings joy to others by just the slightest smile. I hope that he leaves a lasting glad impression on those people.
2) The love. There is so much pure love in every day in our home now. We are calmer and happier. So much love.
And the Number One Best Thing About Being a Mom is.... drum roll please...
Making my kid laugh. Seriously. The. Best. Thing. EVER. Whether I am actively trying to encourage giggling, or if he is just looking at me and laughing for no reason that I can discern, it is the greatest joy that I have ever had. Sometimes I am changing Loop's diaper and he just looks at me and cracks up. Last night, Jay and I were putting him to bed and doing our ritual reading of "Pajama Time" and he was just squealing at us. It was adorable, hilarious, and so heartwarming!
<3
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
What No One Tells You
I have mentally been writing this post for quite some time now, but I thought I would share my take on those things that no one tells you happen after giving birth. Yes, everyone knows you will be tired, sleep-deprived, and have a wonderful bundle of joy to love. There is, however, more to it, and I am going to share what I went through here. This is obviously not universal, but I wish someone had forewarned me about some of these items and so I am sharing here in case it could help someone else.
BE WARNED- I am not holding back and will describe things that are not for the faint of heart or stomach. This post is the definition of TMI.
1) Your body will be a mess. Whether you deliver vaginally or have a cesarean, you will have an "injury" that needs to heal. For me, that was an episiotomy. The swelling, stitches, and bleeding were a whole new kind of horror. Having had uterine surgery, I was not as shocked by the blood as some may be. I was, however, shocked by the rest. The barrage of treatments that was provided to me should have been an indicator of what was coming, but no. The analgesic spray, episiotomy foam, Tucks pads, spray bottle and HUGE pads created a routine that left me in a slight state of shock. My husband was extremely glad that we have two bathrooms. I hated looking at and using all that stuff. He didn't need to see the pile of crap constantly too. It took a solid three weeks for me to not hurt, and 6 weeks for the bleeding to finally stop. Also, you do not have your baby and wake up the next day looking and feeling awesome. You are fat. Not cute fat like you were when you had your big baby belly, but jiggly, squishy fat that things like pants dig into to create lovely bulges. The fitted maternity tops that I wore that clung tightly to my firm baby bump now cling to my not at all firm tummy. This is not a pretty picture. I spent months being proud of my big belly and had an abrupt switch to trying anything to cover it up. This takes us to point 2...
2) Losing the baby weight is no joke. Three months after having my son, I have lost 38 of the 45 pounds that I gained while pregnant. However, the remaining fat is distributed quite differently that it was at other times when I've been at a similar weight. The gut remains despite my requests for it to find a new home. It took until 3 weeks ago for my hips to return to a a size that would allow me to wear any pre-pregnancy non-stretchy pants. This was probably the most depressing thing. I was wearing my "fat" jeans and every time I would try on another pair of pants and fail, there was a little voice in my head wondering why I am still so big. When I was pregnant and worrying over how I'd lose the weight, people would make comments like, "Oh, well if you are breastfeeding you will be super skinny in no time," or "don't worry, it will be easy if you are breastfeeding." These types of comments make it sound as though you can just have your baby, start breastfeeding, and the weight will just magically disappear. That may happen for some people. It did not for me. I was not mentally prepared for the struggle, both physically and emotionally, that would begin after having a baby. I started walking and doing light exercise around 4 weeks after having my son and started doing some aerobics and running when he was 6 weeks old. The first few weeks were miserable. I felt so out of shape and weak. Now, at 14 weeks, I am running 3+ miles 2 to three times a week, eating healthier, lifting weights, and still breastfeeding. Yet, I am still squishy around the middle and feel big. Part of that, for sure, is the boobs- they just make me look bigger- but I was not prepared for how hard I have had to work to get to this place that is still a good distance from where I want to be. The weight certainly did not fall off, nor do I feel, in any way, skinny. I am finally feeling like I am getting there. My skin on my tummy is tightening, but I am still very self conscious and don't yet feel like myself. If you feel discouraged after having a baby- you are not alone! Keep working and be patient- it gets better.
3) Other muscles need work. I was so excited to be done with peeing every five minutes. Except I wasn't. At the beginning I was still peeing constantly and felt like I needed to pee constantly. Kegels right away are a must. My low point- peeing my pants while running on the treadmill. Thankfully, it was not a ton, and I don't think anyone knew but me. That is, however, not something I EVER want to repeat! Again- kegels are a must.
4)You will learn a new definition of tired. You expect to be sleep deprived after having a baby. No one sugar coats that. What I was not prepared for was how physically exhausted I was. It was not just from the lack of sleep, but from the trauma on my body from labor and I think the learning process of taking care of a new baby took its own toll. I didn't realize how exhausted I truly was until, after three weeks, I finally started to feel like me again. I was awake during the day, but felt like I had no energy for anything other than taking care of my son. I was so thankful to have my mom staying with us for ten days during that time, as she helped to accomplish the things that I just couldn't fathom doing- laundry, dishes, cooking. We would have survived and once I felt back to myself, I would have gotten caught up, but having her there to help made such a difference and I know Jay really appreciated it, especially since he was back to work right away. After that, there was and is still a lack of sleep, but my body seems to have accepted it and adjusted accordingly.
5) Be prepared to be embarrassed. Hopefully this doesn't happen to many new moms, but I was sort of a wreck emotionally and mentally there for awhile. The worst was the crying. I was not depressed, nor was I ever worried that maybe I was. I would just have random crying fits. I blamed the hormones. I would be on the phone having a conversation about scheduling something and would suddenly be crying. It was often when there was something complicated and I would get a rush of feeling overwhelmed and panic... and then cry. Embarrassing. Also, I never really had "baby brain" while pregnant. Instead, it hit me like a freight train for at least a month during maternity leave. I think weeks 7-10 were the worst. I screwed up doctor appointments, needed constant reminders of dumb things, and, of course when I'd mess up, I'd cry! I just had to accept that public embarrassment was something I would need to get through. I did, and thankfully, for the most part, I am embarrassing myself (and my husband) less and less.
6) Non-moms do not understand breastfeeding/pumping. I don't expect people to be experts or really to understand much, but they should realize that it is a real thing and, yes, women do still breastfeed. And, yes, sometimes it takes place in public. There are times where there really isn't another option. You can't tell your newborn to "wait until we get home" or "you aren't really hungry." I always use a cover, and it has never been a big deal, but I have definitely been given looks. Also, pumping is something that, when you are trying to avoid breastfeeding in public and use a bottle, must be done at some point. It's embarrassing enough to have to go sit (or in my case stand) in a bathroom stall pumping for 10-15 minutes while people knock on the stall door and probably wonder what that mechanical sounds is coming from the stall. I don't need people judging me. So, be prepared to feel weird about it. You will figure it out and it will be fine. Bottom line- your kid will need to eat and you will make it happen one way or another.
I'm sure I will think of ten more things once I post this, but for now, there is a really long post for you about the joys of new motherhood. Maybe the next post will be about all of the really great things since this is pretty negative.
BE WARNED- I am not holding back and will describe things that are not for the faint of heart or stomach. This post is the definition of TMI.
1) Your body will be a mess. Whether you deliver vaginally or have a cesarean, you will have an "injury" that needs to heal. For me, that was an episiotomy. The swelling, stitches, and bleeding were a whole new kind of horror. Having had uterine surgery, I was not as shocked by the blood as some may be. I was, however, shocked by the rest. The barrage of treatments that was provided to me should have been an indicator of what was coming, but no. The analgesic spray, episiotomy foam, Tucks pads, spray bottle and HUGE pads created a routine that left me in a slight state of shock. My husband was extremely glad that we have two bathrooms. I hated looking at and using all that stuff. He didn't need to see the pile of crap constantly too. It took a solid three weeks for me to not hurt, and 6 weeks for the bleeding to finally stop. Also, you do not have your baby and wake up the next day looking and feeling awesome. You are fat. Not cute fat like you were when you had your big baby belly, but jiggly, squishy fat that things like pants dig into to create lovely bulges. The fitted maternity tops that I wore that clung tightly to my firm baby bump now cling to my not at all firm tummy. This is not a pretty picture. I spent months being proud of my big belly and had an abrupt switch to trying anything to cover it up. This takes us to point 2...
2) Losing the baby weight is no joke. Three months after having my son, I have lost 38 of the 45 pounds that I gained while pregnant. However, the remaining fat is distributed quite differently that it was at other times when I've been at a similar weight. The gut remains despite my requests for it to find a new home. It took until 3 weeks ago for my hips to return to a a size that would allow me to wear any pre-pregnancy non-stretchy pants. This was probably the most depressing thing. I was wearing my "fat" jeans and every time I would try on another pair of pants and fail, there was a little voice in my head wondering why I am still so big. When I was pregnant and worrying over how I'd lose the weight, people would make comments like, "Oh, well if you are breastfeeding you will be super skinny in no time," or "don't worry, it will be easy if you are breastfeeding." These types of comments make it sound as though you can just have your baby, start breastfeeding, and the weight will just magically disappear. That may happen for some people. It did not for me. I was not mentally prepared for the struggle, both physically and emotionally, that would begin after having a baby. I started walking and doing light exercise around 4 weeks after having my son and started doing some aerobics and running when he was 6 weeks old. The first few weeks were miserable. I felt so out of shape and weak. Now, at 14 weeks, I am running 3+ miles 2 to three times a week, eating healthier, lifting weights, and still breastfeeding. Yet, I am still squishy around the middle and feel big. Part of that, for sure, is the boobs- they just make me look bigger- but I was not prepared for how hard I have had to work to get to this place that is still a good distance from where I want to be. The weight certainly did not fall off, nor do I feel, in any way, skinny. I am finally feeling like I am getting there. My skin on my tummy is tightening, but I am still very self conscious and don't yet feel like myself. If you feel discouraged after having a baby- you are not alone! Keep working and be patient- it gets better.
3) Other muscles need work. I was so excited to be done with peeing every five minutes. Except I wasn't. At the beginning I was still peeing constantly and felt like I needed to pee constantly. Kegels right away are a must. My low point- peeing my pants while running on the treadmill. Thankfully, it was not a ton, and I don't think anyone knew but me. That is, however, not something I EVER want to repeat! Again- kegels are a must.
4)You will learn a new definition of tired. You expect to be sleep deprived after having a baby. No one sugar coats that. What I was not prepared for was how physically exhausted I was. It was not just from the lack of sleep, but from the trauma on my body from labor and I think the learning process of taking care of a new baby took its own toll. I didn't realize how exhausted I truly was until, after three weeks, I finally started to feel like me again. I was awake during the day, but felt like I had no energy for anything other than taking care of my son. I was so thankful to have my mom staying with us for ten days during that time, as she helped to accomplish the things that I just couldn't fathom doing- laundry, dishes, cooking. We would have survived and once I felt back to myself, I would have gotten caught up, but having her there to help made such a difference and I know Jay really appreciated it, especially since he was back to work right away. After that, there was and is still a lack of sleep, but my body seems to have accepted it and adjusted accordingly.
5) Be prepared to be embarrassed. Hopefully this doesn't happen to many new moms, but I was sort of a wreck emotionally and mentally there for awhile. The worst was the crying. I was not depressed, nor was I ever worried that maybe I was. I would just have random crying fits. I blamed the hormones. I would be on the phone having a conversation about scheduling something and would suddenly be crying. It was often when there was something complicated and I would get a rush of feeling overwhelmed and panic... and then cry. Embarrassing. Also, I never really had "baby brain" while pregnant. Instead, it hit me like a freight train for at least a month during maternity leave. I think weeks 7-10 were the worst. I screwed up doctor appointments, needed constant reminders of dumb things, and, of course when I'd mess up, I'd cry! I just had to accept that public embarrassment was something I would need to get through. I did, and thankfully, for the most part, I am embarrassing myself (and my husband) less and less.
6) Non-moms do not understand breastfeeding/pumping. I don't expect people to be experts or really to understand much, but they should realize that it is a real thing and, yes, women do still breastfeed. And, yes, sometimes it takes place in public. There are times where there really isn't another option. You can't tell your newborn to "wait until we get home" or "you aren't really hungry." I always use a cover, and it has never been a big deal, but I have definitely been given looks. Also, pumping is something that, when you are trying to avoid breastfeeding in public and use a bottle, must be done at some point. It's embarrassing enough to have to go sit (or in my case stand) in a bathroom stall pumping for 10-15 minutes while people knock on the stall door and probably wonder what that mechanical sounds is coming from the stall. I don't need people judging me. So, be prepared to feel weird about it. You will figure it out and it will be fine. Bottom line- your kid will need to eat and you will make it happen one way or another.
I'm sure I will think of ten more things once I post this, but for now, there is a really long post for you about the joys of new motherhood. Maybe the next post will be about all of the really great things since this is pretty negative.
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