What No One Tells You

I have mentally been writing this post for quite some time now, but I thought I would share my take on those things that no one tells you happen after giving birth. Yes, everyone knows you will be tired, sleep-deprived, and have a wonderful bundle of joy to love. There is, however, more to it, and I am going to share what I went through here. This is obviously not universal, but I wish someone had forewarned me about some of these items and so I am sharing here in case it could help someone else.

BE WARNED- I am not holding back and will describe things that are not for the faint of heart or stomach. This post is the definition of TMI.

1) Your body will be a mess.  Whether you deliver vaginally or have a cesarean, you will have an "injury" that needs to heal. For me, that was an episiotomy. The swelling, stitches, and bleeding were a whole new kind of horror. Having had uterine surgery, I was not as shocked by the blood as some may be. I was, however, shocked by the rest. The barrage of treatments that was provided to me should have been an indicator of what was coming, but no. The analgesic spray, episiotomy foam, Tucks pads, spray bottle and HUGE pads created a routine that left me in a slight state of shock. My husband was extremely glad that we have two bathrooms. I hated looking at and using all that stuff. He didn't need to see the pile of crap constantly too. It took a solid three weeks for me to not hurt, and 6 weeks for the bleeding to finally stop. Also, you do not have your baby and wake up the next day looking and feeling awesome. You are fat. Not cute fat like you were when you had your big baby belly, but jiggly, squishy fat that things like pants dig into to create lovely bulges. The fitted maternity tops that I wore that clung tightly to my firm baby bump now cling to my not at all firm tummy. This is not a pretty picture. I spent months being proud of my big belly and had an abrupt switch to trying anything to cover it up. This takes us to point 2...

2) Losing the baby weight is no joke. Three months after having my son, I have lost 38 of the 45 pounds that I gained while pregnant. However, the remaining fat is distributed quite differently that it was at other times when I've been at a similar weight. The gut remains despite my requests for it to find a new home. It took until 3 weeks ago for my hips to return to a a size that would allow me to wear any pre-pregnancy non-stretchy pants. This was probably the most depressing thing. I was wearing my "fat" jeans and every time I would try on another pair of pants and fail, there was a little voice in my head wondering why I am still so big. When I was pregnant and worrying over how I'd lose the weight, people would make comments like, "Oh, well if you are breastfeeding you will be super skinny in no time," or "don't worry, it will be easy if you are breastfeeding." These types of comments make it sound as though you can just have your baby, start breastfeeding, and the weight will just magically disappear. That may happen for some people. It did not for me. I was not mentally prepared for the struggle, both physically and emotionally, that would begin after having a baby.  I started walking and doing light exercise around 4 weeks after having my son and started doing some aerobics and running when he was 6 weeks old. The first few weeks were miserable. I felt so out of shape and weak. Now, at 14 weeks, I am running 3+ miles 2 to three times a week, eating healthier, lifting weights, and still breastfeeding. Yet, I am still squishy around the middle and feel big. Part of that, for sure, is the boobs- they just make me look bigger- but I was not prepared for how hard I have had to work to get to this place that is still a good distance from where I want to be. The weight certainly did not fall off, nor do I feel, in any way, skinny. I am finally feeling like I am getting there. My skin on my tummy is tightening, but I am still very self conscious and don't yet feel like myself. If you feel discouraged after having a baby- you are not alone! Keep working and be patient- it gets better.

3) Other muscles need work. I was so excited to be done with peeing every five minutes. Except I wasn't. At the beginning I was still peeing constantly and felt like I needed to pee constantly. Kegels right away are a must. My low point- peeing my pants while running on the treadmill. Thankfully, it was not a ton, and I don't think anyone knew but me. That is, however, not something I EVER want to repeat! Again- kegels are a must.

4)You will learn a new definition of tired. You expect to be sleep deprived after having a baby. No one sugar coats that. What I was not prepared for was how physically exhausted I was. It was not just from the lack of sleep, but from the trauma on my body from labor and I think the learning process of taking care of a new baby took its own toll. I didn't realize how exhausted I truly was until, after three weeks, I finally started to feel like me again. I was awake during the day, but felt like I had no energy for anything other than taking care of my son. I was so thankful to have my mom staying with us for ten days during that time, as she helped to accomplish the things that I just couldn't fathom doing- laundry, dishes, cooking. We would have survived and once I felt back to myself, I would have gotten caught up, but having her there to help made such a difference and I know Jay really appreciated it, especially since he was back to work right away. After that, there was and is still a lack of sleep, but my body seems to have accepted it and adjusted accordingly.

5) Be prepared to be embarrassed. Hopefully this doesn't happen to many new moms, but I was sort of a wreck emotionally and mentally there for awhile. The worst was the crying. I was not depressed, nor was I ever worried that maybe I was. I would just have random crying fits. I blamed the hormones. I would be on the phone having a conversation about scheduling something and would suddenly be crying. It was often when there was something complicated and I would get a rush of feeling overwhelmed and panic... and then cry. Embarrassing. Also, I never really had "baby brain" while pregnant. Instead, it hit me like a freight train for at least a month during maternity leave. I think weeks 7-10 were the worst. I screwed up doctor appointments, needed constant reminders of dumb things, and, of course when I'd mess up, I'd cry! I just had to accept that public embarrassment was something I would need to get through. I did, and thankfully, for the most part, I am embarrassing myself (and my husband) less and less.

6) Non-moms do not understand breastfeeding/pumping. I don't expect people to be experts or really to understand much, but they should realize that it is a real thing and, yes, women do still breastfeed. And, yes, sometimes it takes place in public. There are times where there really isn't another option. You can't tell your newborn to "wait until we get home"  or "you aren't really hungry." I always use a cover, and it has never been a big deal, but I have definitely been given looks. Also, pumping is something that, when you are trying to avoid breastfeeding in public and use a bottle, must be done at some point. It's embarrassing enough to have to go sit (or in my case stand) in a bathroom stall pumping for 10-15 minutes while people knock on the stall door and probably wonder what that mechanical sounds is coming from the stall. I don't need people judging me. So, be prepared to feel weird about it. You will figure it out and it will be fine. Bottom line- your kid will need to eat and you will make it happen one way or another.

I'm sure I will think of ten more things once I post this, but for now, there is a really long post for you about the joys of new motherhood. Maybe the next post will be about all of the really great things since this is pretty negative.